Moved...

I moved my main blog over to wordpress- so I won't be blogging here anymore either.

Please visit me there.

No no NaNoWriMo

I was going to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. I had every intention, since last year to it down and put together 50K words and start writing a book.

Here it is, 4 days from the start date- and I have decided that I'm not going to. Besides the obvious fact, that I don't have the time- I just don't have it in me. I like to think I'm a writer, but maybe I'm just a blogger. Just a blogger, I say that as if it's a bad thing. It's not. I love blogging. I love being a part of this community, and putting it aside when I need to and picking it up when I can.

Do I feel a tinge on jealousy when I see other bloggers getting books deals etc.? Of course. I like to think that I am good enough for that. But it's just not where my brain is right now. I have enough responsibilities, I just don't have time for more.

There's always next year.

all the gay....

Z asked me recently, "what's with all the gay talk?" I realize that my more recent posts have included gay sex, including Sinclair's story- starring yours truly. Behind Glass was inspired by a really hot video I saw online. The good thing about sex, when you have an open mind, is that I love the idea of people getting off. Sex is universal. Gay sex, straight sex, vanilla sex, BDSM. Everyone has a preference of how they like their pizza, you know? But in the end, who doesn't lke pizza?

the meaning of sexy

"Sexy doesn't always mean blond and leggy."

God bless those who see it that way. I admit that I have struggled putting myself in that category. BBW? Who me??

I admit it, I hate my body. C-sections destroy your body if you are a little heavy to begin with. THREE of them don't help either. I struggle with my self-image almost every day. Some days I get out of bed and feel sexy and amazing. Other days I want to put on a potato sack and disappear into a haze of carbs and candy.


I got this comment from Os today though- and it reminds me that we are our own worst critic. I love big men. Not that I have anything against a guy in great shape- but it's just my type. I like 'em with some meat. Many of the big men I've loved have all had issues with their own body, to which I say, "Don't go changin for me." and have found myself a bit disappointed when the big guys get thin.

Would I feel better about myself if I was thinner? Maybe. But I've been a bigger girl most of my adult life. I remember being MUCH thinner than I am now. My prepregnancy days, 13 years ago. And even then, I thought I was fat and I hated my body. Maybe it's NOT about the size of my ass- but about the way I carry myself. I know how to accentuate my good features. I am good in bed. People do not define me by my weight. I do. I'm working on it. Some days I am more successful than others.

I know some women who consider themselves BBW. They are:

gorgeous

curvy

sexy as hell.

That is how I want to feel every day.

dress up doll

I can usually tell how the night is going to go with Lacey just by the way she is dressed when she comes to the door. She is not very confident in what she wants, which has been proven to me time and again. I'm never really sure what to expect, but last night I didn't feel like going out. I wanted to drink, smoke and run my tongue over the curves of her body while I took pictures of her.

She opened the door in panties and a t-shirt. Thin t-shirt and white lace panties. I dropped my bag on the floor, pulled her to me and kissed her. She opened her mouth for me and whimpered when my tongue swept inside her mouth and my hand reached down to cup her pussy.


Just wanted to let her know what I wanted. She's such a good girl. She doesn't push me away. She doesn't tell to to wait. She doesn't try to dominate. She moves the way I tell her too. She was my doll last night. I dressed her up- made her pretty. Then undressed her- and made her dirty. In between, I kissed and licked her and fucked her pretty holes.


The details are all a bit blurry- but I can still taste her cunt on my lips this morning and I have a camera full of pictures of her. The last series of pictures of her, you can still see the swell of her pink pussy.

dirrrty girl

Going to see Lacey tonight. It's been a few weeks, but I'm going equipped with my camera and a few other things to have some fun with. Her HNT this week about killed me. God Damn that fucking girl.

I want to write "dirty" across her perky pink tits in lipstick and carry the picture around in my wallet so I can look at it whenever I want to.

She is so fucking tempting, I just want to make her cry for me. What IS that?? I just don't bottom with her. I talked to KK about her, and I just don't bottom. KK is such a butch top- complete with the shaved head and tatooed forearms, but I can't even imagine myself being a bottom to HER- and I'm not gay. But still- I just don't see myself as a bottom with women. Not with Lacey, and with KK, I think it would be a battle. It would be fighting, pushing, and sweating. No top or bottom- just primal hot fuck. Did I say "would"? No- I mean will. It WILL be. I'll have KK. I want her, and I know she wants me. I just have to work up my nerve.

It's one thing to take on Lacey- who is bi-curious and experimental, but definitely not a lesbian. It's another thing to take on KK, who is a dyke (her words, not mine) and who owns her own strap on. But I will. It's just a matter of time.

For now I will easy my curiosity with Lacey. She's smart and feminine and beautiful. Her 'sweet girl' look drives me crazy. Her 'good girl' persona makes me want to get her on her knees. There is nothing 'good girl' about her. And that makes her even better.

The comfort zone

Sometimes when my ex kisses me, I still feel it all the way to my toes.

I love how it feels sometimes to be in his arms.

I love that after all these years I am still hot for him.

I love how he puts his arms around me from behind and leans into my neck. He is the perfect height for that.

I love the fact that I know he still loves me.

And I hate that I love him back.